It has been a while since I've done anything that has made me proud. To me I feel like i'm walking around without a limb or maybe some part of my brain. I just don't feel the same, not optimistic nor the contrary; just a lull (i hope). I feel slow. I haven't read much, written even less, and made absolutely no music that i can even stand to hear after a few minutes. I'm working now, some warehouse about a 1.5 miles down the street, it's not bad and I'm getting paid the same as my last job. It's not hard to get up in the morning to make the walk or ride. Something is missing dearly and It's a part of me. In conversation I can't seem to remember the words or how to tell a story, I'm bland and dull. This is no beginning and no end; so what is it? I have enough money but I don't feel like spending it on anything good for me and barely feel like spending at all. I'm aimless, goalless and there is no direction for me to turn until something pops up, but I must realize it's up to me to put that foot forward and walk not stumble into the right direction. I think about the past more than I should and I never look to tomorrow because it's not now.


New years was just a waste, I feel asleep 30 seconds before midnight on the couch while everyone was outside enjoying themselves. i woke up 50 seconds after the ball dropped and it was just as meaningless. I had three beers and some herb and that was it.