Caring for another person who doesn't even care about themselves, is contridicted by the fact that I don't care much about myself or my health. Nevertheless I am compelled to be selfless and it is destroying me. I don't care much about life because my energy is drained. If it was easy and I didn't think too hard about it, I would definitely take myself out of this plane. I can't though, that is my weakness. Although I've done the things I wanted and I've existed as I never thought I would, it's time for me to retreat and hibernate back into the depths of my self and figure it out, pick myself up and hang my skin on the coat rack, shedding this self indulgent destructive layer. It's hard and I thought I was half there for a while, and today I'm light years away from it more changes. I'm perpetuating an unhealthy relationship that was never defined and I was used as an escape, which is ok. I'm glad to get someone else out of a situation where they are not happy, but looking back maybe I pushed her in the wrong direction and she's worse off now and I'm obligated to help her no matter how much pain it causes me. Excuse me for caring in the first place, I was better off alone, but you were in need....... I though. I just don't know if you can be happy for more then a moment. I know I've made you happy but it's just too temporary for my taste. You hate to love me and you can't stop loving me so you try to hurt me maybe so that I'll go away. But I feel responsible for your new found situation. I'm sorry for coming into your life, I'm sorry about your past, but I care and you kill me.